November 21, 2008

•  

   

  The Stick     Onofrio Lauri was his name and he was the greatest I ever saw  They called him "The Stick" The sign Jimmy Pappas puts up behind the bar says:   ONOFRIO LAURI - ALSO KNOWN AS "THE STICK" WILL SHOOT AN EXHIBITION OF STRAIGHT POOL ON SATURDAY AFTERNOON JUNE 27 1942 AT 3PM SHARP JIMMY PAPPAS WILL GO UP AGAINST HIM JUST FOR LAUGHS - EVERYBODY WELCOME!   The Stick is a small skinny man who always wears a tux when he puts on a show He looks a lot like that old-time actor Donald Meek - He has a shiny bald head Except for a little hair around his ears and he smokes one cigarette after another He has these long arms for such a little guy that reach down almost past his knees And big hands and long thin fingers Fingers so long he can bridge over a coke bottle for some of his trick shots     Me?... I set pins almost every night except Sunday In the cellar of Jimmy's Combination Bowling Alley and Pool Hall on 3rd Avenue in the Bronx Twenty-five cents a line is what us pinboys get - Of course this is all before automatic pin-setters And air-condition and it is hot work - We press this lever to raise the pegs from the floor And set the pins on them that have holes in their bottoms   The Irish cops from the Combination Courthouse and Police Station across the street Always come in to drink some free beer and roll some free lines before they go home Also these big squarehead old Nazis from the ice-plant up the block We call them "Nazis" because they're all German guys and we're at war with them and the Japs They come in after supper all beered up and ready to roll some lines And many's the time a flying pin whacks us pinboys in the legs If we don't get them up on the shelf in time and those bums laugh like hell When one of us gets clipped and yells And they buy the guy who clips us another beer... the fat bastards!     But on this hot summer afternoon on Saturday June 27 1942 when the Nazis come in to bowl The alleys are shut down because Jimmy Pappas who owns the place Is getting ready to play an Exhibition of Straight Pool against The Stick On his Personal Table that nobody ever plays on  Except Jimmie and the great shooters he invites to put on a show That beautiful table is always covered and God help anybody who uses it There are fifteen tables for the customers and one beat-up old table for us pinboys When we aren't working - But nobody is ever allowed to use "The Perfect Table"   Which is always "trued up" by Jimmie every week and new felt put on every six months   So when these big bohunks start giving Jimmie lip about the alleys being closed Jimmie reaches under the bar for his sawed-off double-barrel and they shut up fast Nobody messes with Jimmie and his "lupo" because the story is he killed a guy back in Greece With that same "Lupo" for messing with his wife     I get there early this historic afternoon because The Stick asks Jimmie If I could rack for him and I'm too excited to stay home That's because for months I follow The Stick around to pool-rooms all over New York Where he is booked to shoot exhibitions - Then one night a few months back When he puts on a show at the VFW Hall in Brooklyn for the USO I bring him a carton of Luckies for a present because he is so great And I guess he remembers me for that (A whole week's line tips go for those cigarettes But it was worth it because he is so great!)     So now the place starts filling up with kids like me and guys too old To go off and fight the Nazis and the Japs Guys like me who follow the great shooters from club to club - Older shooters who didn't go to war A few 4F hustlers always show up because they want to see The Stick go down in flames By missing easy shots which he never ever does He never plays any of them for money or even just for fun So the hustlers can't challenge him and that really pisses them off They say if money is riding he would fold but they never get the chance to prove it   I am there one night when this pimply-faced punk challenges him to a hundred-buck stakes game But The Stick says to him that it's against his religion to play for money And when this creep asks to play him just for fun - The Stick says he won't play him for fun either Because he doesn't want to embarrass him in front of his friends! Isn't that just great!   The Stick never drinks - not even beer All he ever drinks is black coffee so Jimmie always has Black Sam make a fresh pot every hour When The Stick is shooting - Black Sam is the super around Jimmie's place He washes the floor and the toilets and polishes the alleys And keeps the soda chest full of ice and Cokes and Dr Peppers and brushes the tables And covers them up when the place is closed   Jimmie lets him sleep in the back room free so he can watch the place at night and he cracks A few heads one night with his Louisville Slugger when some punks try to rob the place The word gets around and nobody tries that again They say Black Sam who has a southern accent ran away from a chain gang in Alabama But maybe it's just a story somebody just made up     It is raining when The Stick and Benno the Bouncer get there Benno the Bouncer can't talk - He's this great big bald three-hundred pound Italian guy Who has shell-shock - Everybody says The Stick saves his life in the Great War Benno the Bouncer goes everywhere with The Stick like he's his bodyguard   Black Sam takes The Stick's raincoat and brushes his tux and pours him some coffee The Stick takes a sip and lights up a Lucky and takes a couple of drags Then he waves the Lucky at me and smiles and comes over and shakes my hand and I feel so great Because all my friends are there and see him do it!   Then he opens his snake-skin cue-case which is lined in this soft red velvet And takes out his beautiful two-piece pearl-handle white ash cue with two rings of real gold Where it is joined - He screws it together very slowly and the way he handles it It's like it's made out of something very precious and delicate and he's afraid he might break it He rolls the cue on the table to make sure both parts are in line Then Benno the Bouncer starts to rub the fingers of The Stick's right hand And then pulls on them a little and then rubs them some more to loosen him up    The Stick is different from most shooters because he's a leftie There is a story that when he is just a kid like me he hustles some guys And they break his fingers and crush his left hand under the wheel of a beer wagon So he learns to bridge right-handed and they say that is the reason He never plays for money after this happens   I can't believe it when The Stick hands me his beautiful cue to hold Then we all watch him as he picks up the cue ball and banks it lightly off the rails To see how live they are - Then he puts his cheek down on the felt And slowly rolls the cueball up the table and watches it slowly with one eye shut As it bounces off the far end and comes back toward him At the last split second he lifts his head off the felt as the cueball rolls past his nose To a gentle stop flush with the rail at his end Then he straightens up and smiles and says to Jimmie Pappas this is the finest and fastest And livieliest pool table in all of New York and Jimmie beams   And me?...Jesus God! All the while I'm holding The Stick's cue with all the guys around me looking at it It feels like I could beat every shark in the world with it It feels alive in my hands  - perfectly balanced - heavy in the handle with its drilled lead core The pale ashwood shaft delicately tapered down to its hard rubber tip It's a little longer than regulation because The Stick is short And he doesn't like to use an extension bridge unless he absolutely has to     There are three rows of folding chairs on the bleachers around The Perfect Table By now they're all taken so the late-comers sit on a couple of the pool tables that Black Sam Puts boards on to protect them - Then Jimmie tells Black Sam to dim most of the lights So the only bright lights are the three antique stained-glass Tiffany lamps Shining down on The Perfect Table   At exactly three oclock on the dot The Stick tells Benno the Bouncer That he is ready to start his exhibition and to quiet everybody down The Stick always starts his show with some trick shots He chalks up his cue with one of his personal gold-wrapped blue cue chalks And begins his routine by lining up ten balls in a row Then while one of the old guys on one of the tables holds a stop-watch The Stick banks the ten balls into a side pocket in less than ten seconds   Next he carefully taps six balls into place in the center of the table With each ball facing a different pocket and sinks all six wih one shot Another one of his tricks is to put a empty coke bottle in the middle of the table And set the cueball on its lip - then he bridges over the bottle with those extra-long fingers of his And makes a five-cushion shot to sink the two balls That Benno the Bouncer puts by opposite corner pockets - Then Benno the Bouncer Lays the back of his head down on the table and The Stick rests the eight-ball  Between Benno the Bouncer's lip and nose  and shoots the cueball off the coke bottle And makes the eight-ball in the corner pocket!     The Stick then looks at me and nods and I set up the first rack He always wants the yellow 1-Ball on the nose and thats how I rack them The Stick sips more coffee and lights up another Lucky and takes a drag And hands the cigarette to Benno the Bouncer who holds The Stick's lucky ashtray It's made from a shell they say The Stick picks up from a battlefield in France Twenty-five years before The Stick steps up and plays a "safe" - The 7-Ball breaks away from the rack And stops about three inches from the upper rail Jimmie Pappas has a shot at it so he decides to bank that seven in one of the corner pockets At his end of the table and almost makes it but it hangs there without falling The cueball bounces off the rack and moves a couple of more balls away from the tight rack But it stays behind the racked balls and The Stick is stuck behind the rack frozen up against Another ball and he doesn't have a shot at anything except this hanging 7-Ball which he can't "see" The Stick plays the cueball "english" off the side rail and sinks that hanging 7-Ball And as they say - The rest is history my friend!     For the next eleven hours with a half-hour break around midnight The Stick runs thirty-six racks without missing a shot! That's five hundred and four balls in a row my friend without a miss! Minute after minute - hour after hour - cigarette after cigarette - black coffee after black coffee Perfect position after perfect position for that cueball! The Stick keeps shooting and I keep racking! Fourteen balls fall each time and the fifteenth is left for the break Perfect break after perfect break! - never in any serious trouble except once When he almost scratches in one of the side pockets and makes a fantastic "masse" shot To curve around the sharp edge of the pocket And makes a ball hung up in a corner pocket to keep his run alive! On and on The Stick shoots! - sinking one ball and leaving himself in perfect position  To sink the next one - Perfect "english" - Perfect "follow" on that cueball! Perfect! - Perfect! - Perfect!   Jimmie keeps chalking up the racks on the blackboard between sips of ouzo and water Some of the old-timers in the bleachers have gone home but there's quite a few guys still hanging in After a while it gets so monotonous nobody except a few of us realize what is happening! The Little Stick is on his way to shooting The PERFECT GAME!   That's over Thirty-Six racks my friend - That's over five hundred balls my friend without a miss! The closest anyone has ever come is the legendary Ralph Greenleaf Who runs sixteen racks in Chicago a few years ago And they practically have to carry him out because he is so exhausted The Stick never takes his jacket off even though it gets hot and smoky as hell in that cellar! And by the end of the thirty-first rack... that's four hundred thirty-four balls! He is practically staggering around the table Jimmie pleads with him to quit but he won't quit He keeps asking Jimmie how many more balls he has to go to sink his five hundred Then he says to Benno the Bouncer he needs another break to take a leak And wash his face for what seems the hundreth time   Benno the Bouncer helps him to the john and they're in there for a while When they come back Benno the Bouncer wraps a wet towel around The Stick's head And he runs the last five racks with this wet turban on his head Five hundred and four balls have rolled in without a miss or a miscue  And he leaves the black 8-ball for the break   The Stick wants to keep shooting but Jimmie says no more And takes his cue away from him and tells Black Sam to put him to bed in the back room The Stick finally agrees to quit after I rack for the thirty-sixth time And he comes over to me and shakes my hand and when I look there's a five-spot folded there! I tried to give it back to him but he won't take it because he says I bring him the luck to shoot his Perfect Game!   The Stick then does something I will never forget to my dying day!   He tells Jimmie to hand me his beautiful cue and asks me to make the final break! I can't believe it and I look at Jimmie and he smiles and says to go ahead! I am so tired myself I feel like throwing up The guys that are still there can't believe it either as I step up to the Perfect Table With The Stick's magic cue and sink the break shot and scatter the balls into a perfect pattern And run the final rack - all fifteen balls!   The Stick then smiles again and pats me on the cheek and tells me to unscrew his cue And put it back into its beautiful red velvet case Then he waves to everybody that's still there and we all clap as Benno the Bouncer picks him up Like he was a bundle of feathers and carries him to the back room The door is open and we see the two of them standing there  While Black Sam puts clean sheets on the cots - Then Benno the Bouncer picks up The Stick And tucks him in like he was a little baby!     I am ready to pass out too I am so tired - Jimmie looks around to make sure there are no cops And he pours me a little ouzo and water and that helps A lot of the younger guys are still there and we all keep talking about The Stick And a few of the older guys keep saying The Stick's record run will never be broken Just like Joe D's fifty-six game hitting streak that Joe sets last year will never be broken Jimmie goes around with an old copy book and gets our names and addresses for witnesses So he could prove that what everyone sees tonight really happens He puts my name and address down too even though he knows where I live Because he says that old copy book will be worth a lot of money someday!     It is light when I get home at five oclock on Sunday morning I tell my mother I have to work because the nazis have an all-night beer party And we had to stay and set pins for them - I don't know if she really believes me Even when I hand her the money The Stick gives me for being rack boy But that five-dollar bill sort of helps convince her and she could tell I am really tired So she lets me go to sleep without too much of a hassle   When I go back to work the next night Jimmie tells me When Black Sam goes to wake them up he finds Benno the Bouncer sitting on the cot Holding The Stick in his arms and crying   Black Sam says The Stick has a beautiful smile on his face And he is hugging his cue-case when he dies -

   

   

   

   

  • 11:59 am
  • 6 Comments